Monday, January 17, 2011

Only girl in the man's world

For the last 5 years I have found myself in a job surrounded by men. In fact I happen to be the only woman in my place of work and have been since I started. But working with 17 men day in and day out has taught me to adapt to this man's world mentality and so far I'm surviving.

I've learned to have thick skin... or at least appear to. Men are not nice. Men do not sugar coat anything. They don't think before they speak and they don't think about how a woman is going to feel after they tell her to not have that chocolate at Christmas time because it will go straight to her ass. Or how she'll feel after they ask her what she did to her face when she gets her eyebrows coloured. It's like they've all got a permanent case of verbal diarrhea.

I've also learned that there are certain triggers for each man to get him to do what I want. Just as a dog trainer will eventually find out what motivates a dog to obey I have worked to find each man's motivator. Most men will do what I ask because I have breasts. The right shirt or sweater can distract them long enough to agree to anything without really listening. But since I don't advocate using sex to get your way all the time I have been experimenting with a few other options. This one guy will do whatever I ask and in a timely manner simply by me saying "if you don't know how I'll ask someone else." Pride is a motivating factor to him.

Another thing that I've learned is men seem to think that a woman in an office must just be a secretary. Even though I have an office ... with a door and 2 windows .... men seem baffled that I actually do more than just answer the phones. They really seem to have no comprehension at the importance of my role. Almost as if I am only there to make them coffee and copy their god knows what since half of them don't know how to use the photo copier.

The best part though of working with all men is that they all stick up for me. Through all the troubles I've had in the dating world I have always known that when I get to work I have 17 men who will step up like brothers and fathers and sometimes creepy uncles. And no matter how much fun they may make of what I wear or what colour my eyebrows are I know that when I get dumped or cheated on or blown off by some douche they're going to be there to make me feel like I never deserved that guy anyway. Kidding... they've been there to help pick me up of my ass, dust off my broken heart and know that one day a man who deserves me will sweep me off my feet and I'll live happily after all. Then they ask me if I could show then just one more time how to get the copier to double side.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Men of Generation "Y"

As a single woman in my mid... OMG... LATE 20's I am finding it really hard to find a suitable man in my age group to date. In the 6 years following my separation and eventual divorce from my high school sweetheart husband I have had 1, count them O-N-E actual, semi-serious boyfriend. I have however had my fair share of fix-ups, blind dates, f2f meetings and a few friends with benefits arrangements (FWB). During these 6 years my faith in finding a "gentleman" has slowly deteriorated. Just read the following experiences of mine and you'll understand why.

Shortly after my separation I started so see this one guy. We met through friends and spent hours texting, talking and hanging out. After about a month I found out that he was the cousin of the girl that my soon to be ex was now shacked up with. And even if I could have gotten past that ... there was no way in hell that I could live with the fact that my new man was moving in with my old man. DUNZO

The next guy came along about 6 months later. He also was introduced to me by friends. When we met he was seeing a girl that he'd dated all through high school and no matter how hot he was that made him completely off limits. HOWEVER.... a couple weeks later when his girlfriend took a job on a cruise ship and they broke up... I found myself in my first FWB situation. The great thing about this guy was that he set up the rules from the beginning. There were no strings, no expectations and no worrying if he would call or not. This carried off and on for the next year until his ex girlfriend got back from her year long cruise gig. DUNZO

After that I took a few months off until one night out at my friend's bar this bad boy looking guy started hitting on me. My friend who owned the bar ended up giving this guy my number. And he did call. We saw each other for about 6 weeks when he left to "join the army." Little did I know he'd been stealing from his employer and was probably evading the law and just skipped town. DUNZO

Now... all of this added together with a few bad blind dates turned stalkers and I was now on the road to celibacy. During the next two and a half years I did a lot of soul searching. This was when I was happiest I think. I could stay home on a Friday night and fall asleep on the couch around 10 watching episodes of Sex and the City... clean my house on Saturday and just read a book on Sunday.

So after dodging the douches for over 2 years I found myself in another sticky arrangement. A guy who couldn't or wouldn't commit to anything or anyone... this was on and off and on and off for a year. After a very tumultuous relationship I needed another break. But this break didn't last long. Not quite 2 months.

This is where the semi-serious boyfriend comes in. He and I had been friends sorta.... well peripheral friends. That's how I refer to people that are friends with people that I am friends with lol. We didn't hang out alone... but anytime there was a group function we were both surely there.

I'll save the details of this one for another post when I have more time. Needless to say he and I are no longer. 8 months in, 3 days before my birthday... 11 days before Christmas he dumped my ass. He had no good reason ... he had no reason at all. It was the typical "it's not you... it's me" bull shit and "I just can't give you what you need / deserve" lies. Still haven't decoded the demise of what I thought was a good things but the rumor mills from a 100 km radius states he of course must have been cheating. I'll probably never know the truth. DUNZO

So with all of this in mind... how am I supposed to be able to put myself out there? These Gen Y guys seem to be no good at all. they can't all be like this can they? I'm thinking I need to impose an age restriction ... maybe a  5 year minimum? Hmmm....

Monday, January 10, 2011

Bait and Switch?

So this guy I know is dating this girl. Really interesting ... I know ha ha. But he and I were talking the other day about relationships, the end of my most recent one in particular. We were talking about the idea of having one person give you everything you need physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually. And as I was telling him about my idea of one not being enough (see previous post) he made the following confession.

He told me about the state of his current relationship. He's been with this girl for almost 4 years and lately the sex has been non existent. When I pressed for details he told me that they hadn't had sex in about 6 weeks. 6 WEEKS!!! OMG!!! I could relate of course because that was about when my relationship had ended... but HELLO?!?!?!?  He was still in a relationship.

When did sex become a chore? I mean I get the fact that people become busy with their every day lives. What with kids to run from school to swimming... homework and dinner to cook.... laundry to do and beds to make... I completely understand that there is no time or energy for sex. HOWEVER... 6 weeks... that's excessive!

I asked him how they would rate their sex life and he said about a 0.5. Not only did she not want to have sex but she rejected him 99% of the time when he went to touch her. I then asked if she had always been like that, knowing full well that the answer would be no. What neither he, nor I could understand was why the seemingly sudden change. It had only been 4 years since they'd started seeing each other. This is not something that generally happens to a couple in their 20's without cause.

So then I got to thinking... either she is extremely unhappy in the relationship (not likely because she is the type who would just leave) OR she really just isn't into sex or the physical intimacy of the relationship. I personally have never understood those women but I know they're out here. Those girls who don't like sex. But she was not one of them... at least not in the beginning so he says.

So has something drastic happened or did she pull the bait and switch? Hook a guy in the beginning with an off the chart sex life and then drop off forcing him to suffer alone in cold showers?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Is one ever really enough?

Lately I've been pondering the idea if one of anything is ever enough. These days everything seems to be all about excess. I am a single mother of an 8 year old girl so you would assume that there would be certain things we only need one of. You would think we would only need one car, one television, one bathroom and so on. Yet we have two vehicles, three televisions, two bathrooms ... you get the idea. So in a world that has taught us to have more than we need, more than we can use how do we still attempt to maintain the idea that we only need one companion?

Society has for decades if not centuries ingrained in us the idea that there is someone for everyone. That we all have that soul mate person out there somewhere. That to be truly  happy one must find the love of their life and live happily ever after in monogamous bliss.

But lately we have seen in the media another perspective. With shows like HBO's Big Love and the latest docu-drama Sister Wives we have been exposed to the old idea of polygamy. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that each man should have multiple wives who bend to his every command, but rather that I've been thinking about the idea of multiple companions.

If you take a look at the relationships you have with other people I am sure that you will notice a few things. One being that we don't only have one friend at a time. Girls often have many friends! Friends that they shop with. Friends that they play sports with. Friends that they see at book club, or yoga or work. Girls can have dozens of friends that they maintain BUT will often have that one person who is her best friend. The BFF is special. She is the one that we will call when we need anything and everything. She is the one that I will tell everything to... share everything with. And yet... If I go to dinner with another friend, my BFF does not get jealous. She does not cry if she was not invited... nor does she 'break up' with me and delete me from Facebook.

So how does society explain having ONE companion? Can we really get everything we need in a relationship from one person?